"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
“I need help goerge sink”said Jimmy “What is it”said Goerge Sink “Can you wash my dishes”said Jimmy
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
What do you call a plane with no wings? Sally.
What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A Labracadabrador.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him for a drag.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.
What do you call a psychic dwarf on the run? A small medium at large.
What do you call a lazy potato chip? Lays!
