You jokes
What is it called when you whoop a donkey?
A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
What do you call a goldfish that got third place? A bronze fish.
How do you start a rave? Throw a flash bang into an epileptic children's ward.
An old man walks in a forest with a child, and the child says, "It's dark, and I'm scared." The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out alone."
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What's a chair's favorite snack?
Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
What did the water say to the water? "Water" you doing?
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.