When you breathe.
You Jokes
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
-Lift up your foot.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time!
Were you born on a highway? Because that's where accidents mostly happen.
What do you call a letter using the bathroom?
The P.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
What do you call my dick?
A. A monster.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
Imagine being named Colby and you burn yourself.
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost.
So as they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun." And the man from New York said, "Bring me a gun as well!"
The guy was confused but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For the France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started shooting and laughing like a mad man and said. 3 men lived through this and one said to the others, "Well...sh!# that didn't go as planned."
I was gonna tell you a great pun, but it's too cheesy.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?