You jokes
Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.
Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"
Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."
Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"
Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."
Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"
Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."
I would tell you my jokes about pogs, but they would eventually get too boar-ing.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
When you ask your sister if she wanna smash, but then she grabs the Switch.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.
So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how many you throw.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
"Fucking cracker and you smell like fish!"
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her.
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the Fresh prints.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
When you are f***ing your girlfriend and then she tells you that you f**k like your guys' dad.
Then you f**k your mom and she says the same thing.