You jokes
What did one dog say to another dog? I love you.
Knock knock. Who's there? Hal. Hal who? Hal will you know if you don't open the door?
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?
A milkshake.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What happens if you mix the two names "Shannon" and "Stephanie"? You have the name "Shanny."
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor's house.
Police: Where is your neighbor's house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Police: *Arrests me*
What's the difference between you and me? You're not strangling a man with a cloak on.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
I am sick and tired of horror movies; it is always the stupid ones that die first. When you see a guy in a dark, bloody coat and a knife, he ain't there to just look at yah run; don't scream, run!
What do you call a nosy pepper?
Jalapeno.
What do you call funny waves? Wave Chappelle.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call Anne born in May? A Maybe.