You jokes
Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Q. What do you give a sick lemon?
A. Lemon-aid.
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Only one of them stops sucking after you slap it.
What time should you go to bed when it's bedtime?
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
What do you call a un-funny rock?
A normal rock.
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
What do you say when your brother has too many jeans?
"Gene-ious!"
What do you call a pig?
Pig.
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.
What is green?
Grass, you tard!
The winds of Uranus go on and off, so you could say the wind is broken.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...