You Jokes

Marijuana

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

Football

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

Skeleton

Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

Oh wait.

You fool!

Baby

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

Ovation

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

Nun

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

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  • Mama

    Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!

    Flirt

    Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!

    Edna: Hey there big boy!

    Big boy: You need to stop doing this.

    Guy

    There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

    So the guy replies,

    OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

    So the guy replies,

    OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"

    So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

    Trio

    Us three get along well. I guess you could say we're the TREE-o!

    Owl

    Knock, knock.

    Who's there?

    Who.

    Who who?

    You sound like an owl.

    Hand

    I say hi to Sans. Sans shows his hand and says, "It's hand to meet you," and we both laugh.

    Pineapple

    Why do you call a pineapple a pineapple?

    Because it is a pineapple, pin, apple, apple, pen, doudodo.

    Roman

    What do you call a Roman with a pubic hair in his teeth?

    Glad He Ate Her.

    Suicide

    Me and a person downtown.

    Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

    Me: I guess so.

    Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

    Me: I don't know. I used to, but don't anymore.

    Person: Why'd you stop?

    Me: Unfortunately, I lived every time I'd try something.