Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Bc they're good at it.
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass? An INVESTIGATOR
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
"Can you tie a knot?" "I cannot." "So you can knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?" "F... off!"
Would you like a piece of Africa?
Would you like to know why? Because it's a dessert/desert.
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless
You know what’s impossible?
Steven Walking.
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
you gay
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
What is it?
I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.
What do you get when someone named Victoria falls? A Victoria Falls!
Did you hear of my new job as a can crusher? It's soda pressing.
