You jokes
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.
If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.
What type of tea do you drink with the Queen of England?
Royal-tea.
If you're gay, then what the f*** are you doing trying to walk straight?
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
Your mom stinks.
That is my joke.
You mom doesn’t really stink.
I know I am stupid. 🤕
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
Why shouldn’t you play basketball with a pig?
Because he’s a ball hog.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
What does the right eye say to the left eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What do you call a tree 🌲 that is magic? A magic tree 🌳.
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
What time do you have when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!
What time is it when you smell garbage? Time to run!
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)