Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.
Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.
Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.
Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.
Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)
What do you call a musician š©āš¤ who drinks soda and sings š¤ at the same time?
A popsinger.
What do you call a sick eagle?
Ill-eagle! š
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you!
The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.
What do you call numbers that donāt stay in place?
Roaminā Numerals.
One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?
Ground Beef.
If you boil your funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.
What do you call a ghost bee?
Boobees.
One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"
The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
What do you call a man with no toes?
No Toe Joe.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her āhead and shouldersā on the backseat of her car.
How do you know when itās bedtime at Michael Jacksonās house?
The big hand is on the little hand!
Roses are red, the grass is greener,
Every time I think of you, I play with my weenie.
Billy: "I'm so used to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long-distance relationship."
Sally: "Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall..."
Sister: (moaning) Go get Mom, she'd love this!
Me: But Billy's with her right now.
Billy: UGHHHH...MMMMM
Dad: Hurry up Billy, I want to see you for a moment.
"_____ abortion clinic, you rape it, we scrape it.
_____ sperm bank, you spank it, we bank it."
Do you know what my favorite time of day is?
6:30, hands down.
