If you ever get mad, just hit an orphan.
What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
You Jokes
Bully... you're such an asshole. Me... Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
You're so fat, Thanos had to snap three times to destroy you.
Friend, you so faaaat.
Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.
Friend: "You are so ugly." Me: "You can't be talking, you give Freddy Krueger nightmares."
Boi, you're the reason the Great Wall of China is a thing. You're so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out!
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Have you ever stepped foot in Stephen Hawking's house? 'Cause he hasn't either.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
Hi 👋! I love 💕 you! Ooooooo!
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
What do you describe Titanic as?
... Broken...
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
