Yeah

Yeah Jokes

Alphabet

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

  • 6
  • Hat

    Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

    A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

    Zoo

    I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

    Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

    Job Interview

    Man: I'm here for the job interview.

    Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

    Man: Just anywhere?

    Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

    Man: Yeah, that's me.

    (Shakes hands and sits back down)

    Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

    Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

    Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

    Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

    Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

    Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

    Employer: No.

    Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

    Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

    German

    1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?

    2nd Person: Yeah, sure!

    1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!

    Cancer

    Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.

    Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.

    Guy #2: Why, what is it?

    Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.

    Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...

    Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

    Cheetah

    Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."

    Santa

    Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"

    Ladder

    Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"

    Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"

    Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"

    Man

    A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head. The bartender asks him nervously, "Are you okay?" The blind man replies, "Yeah, I’m just looking around!"

    Scratch

    I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

    I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

    (Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

    School

    Elementary school kids: School is fun.

    Me: Yeah, yeah, just keep believing that.

    Wife

    Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

    Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

    Wife: Kid?

    Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

    Mom

    Yeah man, you watch Pornhub, and you have premium too, but at least I don't need Premium to see your mom in bed.

    Cannibal

    Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!

    Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!

    Will: Yey!

    Beverly: What should we bring him?

    Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!

    Heart

    Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”

    Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”

    Boy: “Yeah, why?”

    Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”

    Job

    The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

    The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

    Pilot

    People joking about 9/11.

    Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

    Oh.

    "Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

    Ex

    When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.