New Worst Jokes

Mom clean your room Me no it’s my room and I don’t want to clean it Mom you are nothing like Mrs. Smith’s daughter me Well I’m not Mrs. Smith’s daughter now am I you are the Worst like why are you trying to compare me with Mrs. Smith’s daughter I’m not her OK I am not her so stop Mom do you know what I pushed you out of my hula 43 minutes do not make me hate you because guess what I brought you into the world and I can take you out of it Me bro

What's the worst possible thing to be playing during the funeral of a bridge-collapse victim?

Fall Guys.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

What is the worst part about siblings having sex?

Being left out.

What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?

She charges you for extra sauce!

The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

What’s worse than spiders on your piano?

Craps on your organ.

What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?

Getting her husband's voice just right.

What are the three worst years of a black child's life?

First grade!

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved. This was the worst joke ever.

What’s the worst part about a dead prostitute?

You end up doing all the work.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.

Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”

How do trees access the internet? They log in.

Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.

"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."

Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.

Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.

I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.

Maybe I'm just too old at this point.