Work Jokes

What do orphans and police not have in common?

The police can actually go home.

Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?

Cause it’s a family business.

Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.

I teach orphans.

But the problem is I can't give them homework.

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Spongebob is smiling in his bed. Text above him says: "You, right now, watching memes when you should be working."

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?

Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!

Rape isn't a joke.

It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.

It's a way of art, and works on anybody!

Like this if you agree.

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!