God, my dad got so pissed during 9/11.
All that work wasted.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
I teach orphans.
But the problem is I can't give them homework.
My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.
I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"
I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Rape isn't a joke.
It's a type of way of making friends and to mate with other women.
It's a way of art, and works on anybody!
Like this if you agree.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.
My victims still scream.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!
At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"
Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.
