Work jokes

How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.

I work at a tire shop.

I'm pretty tired.

You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:

Sans: "Sub bro."

Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"

Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."

Sans: "A skele-ton."

(Drum effect)

Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"

I would make a disabled joke.

But they never work.

Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?

Because it was on strike.

Where does a girl with one leg work?

IHOP.

So, I was getting on a plane, and the pilot does his usual speech talking about altitude and what not with the microphone, and he forgets to turn it off, so after the speech I heard him and the co-pilot talking about what they were doing after work, and whatnot.

Then the pilot said he was dying for a blowjob and a coffee, so a stewardess ran to the pilots cabin, and then left about 15 minutes later, and the pilot shouted "Next time don't forget the coffee!"

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!

I have a ton of work to do... A skele-TON.

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson? Cause it's a family company.

I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

Bosses are like seagulls.

They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.