Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Lynching is just another word for "hanging around."
Say "Uranus" but take out the "ur."
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".
You know, they didn't add the word "retard" into the dictionary for nothing.
Hey! Guess what? I created a new word!
Plagiarism!
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What were Paul Walker's last words?
Hey, that tree's growing!
What were Paul Walker's last words?
I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
My wife called me a pedo. That's a big word for a 6 year old.
This is a true fact, the letter "F" in orphan stands for family.
Why can't men play baseball?
Because no one can take the word "balls" seriously anymore.
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"
Say: "eye"
Spell: map
Then say: "enis."
The E and F in Orphan stands for Every one in their Family.
Me: yep they definitely have one 100% 💯
