Wont jokes

If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.

COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.

I'm gonna jump to my death.

Don't worry. I won't jump far.

Just off this chair here...

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:

https://schlechtewitze.com

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

Father: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Father: So you won’t be bored. You’re going to need them there.

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?

Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.

One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.