Woman jokes
Why did God create women with pussies?
Because:
1. Of course, God is a man.
2. Of course, he isn't gay.
3. Of course, he is a perv too (for wanting more pussies)!
If a pregnant woman is under water, isn't she technically a submarine?
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, "You look like a million pounds!" The wife divorced him.
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."
Three men are traveling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while, but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, they suddenly stumble across a tent, and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny, too, so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince, and these three women were his wives, so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is:
The guy says, "I'm a fireman."
The prince says, "Then we'll burn your dick off!"
The second guy says, "I'm an employee at the shooting range."
The prince says, "Then we'll shoot your dick off!"
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror.
We never met again.
What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?
"Alcohol, you later!"
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?
Snowballs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
My abortion.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.