Woman jokes

Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?

Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

I like my women how I like my wine: 12 years old and locked in a cellar.

What's red and runs up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.

So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.

Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."

And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"

Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"

What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!

Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?

Who cares?

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

Women’s rights.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.