Wipe Jokes

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

What does a canabolist do after he dumps his girlfriend??

He wipes his butt

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both easy to lay. Both costly and time consuming to get rid of. .... What did saint peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly ? Wipe that Merc of your face.

Who do you ask to wipe you? Your Butler

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper? ... We’re wiped out!

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

yo mama so fat and old she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs

In 2023, I hope we all get wiped out like the dinosaurs

When your at school and you have to wipe your ass but it only one ply... Your finger breaks through... mmm Finger lickin good

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard so my mom wanted to see so I wiped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dads

Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.

its smell like something die in my room, oh yeah its my dignity,hope, and my feeling. put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears .

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling. He never came back the next day, says the local news.

Wipe your feet before entering but in Stephen Hawkings case it is Wipe your wheels.

my cousinn called me ugly well im pritty shure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a kleanex

How do you make a little girl cry for a second time?

By wiping her blood off your dick with her teddybeer.

You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.

Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?

A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.