Wipe jokes
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Yo mama so disgusting, she hangs toilet paper to dry after she wiped with them.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What's the difference between taking a shit and the Ottawa police force?
Usually taking a shit only requires one ass wipe!
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Yo mama so fat and old, she's the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs!
It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.
You're so skinny, you probably wipe your ass with floss.
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
In 2023, I hope we all get wiped out like the dinosaurs.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
How do you make an 8 year old girl cry twice. Wipe your bloody cock off on her favourite teddy bear after you’ve finished raping her
I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.
He never came back the next day, says the local news.
You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.
Why do duckies wipe after they poop?
Their butt quack.
Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
Q: What's worse than f**king a 2 year old?
A: Wiping the blood off of your clown suit afterwards.