Will jokes

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.

Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?

Stranger 1: You can't!

Stranger 2: You can.

Stranger 3: How?

Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.

Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?

Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.

Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-

(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)

1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."

2019: The flying cars future.

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

Say "Mike Wizowski" fast to a teenager and I will get you $100000000000.

If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.

There was a news story the other day where a magician disappeared. He was like "At the count of 3 I will disappear aight...Uno, Dos," and he disappeared without a trace.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

I told my Mum, "Will you remember me in 6 minutes, 6 hours, 6 years?"

She said, "Yes."

"Knock knock."

I said, "My mum, who's there? You didn’t remember me!"

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

Three guys walk into a bar: one Asian, one American, one Black.

A girl walks in and says if all three of your D*** sizes don't add up to 12 inches, I will shoot you.

First comes the American with 3 inches, then the Black man with 8.

It totals out to 11 and they look at the Asian and say "Oh no."

He comes to 1 inch to top off the twelve.

She walks away and says ok.

The Asian says, "You're lucky she was hot, so I had a boner!"

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?

A: Lemon aid.