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A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

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    • Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

    Because the "p" is silent.

    Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?

    So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

    One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

    The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

    A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

    Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?

    Because he rolled over to the other side!

    Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

    Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

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