The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family.
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
Kid: who is your mom Orphan: they left me😭
an apple and a emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time who hit the ground first? the apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Who comes when an orphan gets married? They are allowed back in family restaurants, but when I go in alone, I'm not allowed. I have some parents, for God's sake!
Who wants to be my boyfriend plzz
I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
What do you call someone who subscribes to Toast4128 on YouTube?
A very good person.
Knock knock. Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c–
MOO!
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
For me, the best part of depression is remaining charming around strangers but saving the misery for the ones who love you.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
Knock knock who's there me me who me not me
