What's the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire?
One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're." "You're who?" "You're parents left you."
I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."
You know who deserves a medal? The guy who killed Hitler.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
What do you call a Titan who can't swim?
Titanic!
Imagine the Titanic with a lisp. It would be unthinkable. My version is imagine the Titanic with a lisp, it would be unsinkable.
What did the front half of the Titanic say to the other half when it hit the iceberg? I'm breaking up with you.
My friend said, “there shouldn’t be discrimination, just black and normal.”
That was also the same guy who said [link to joke].
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
Figure: Who wants to play hide and seek?
Seek and Hide: Me.
Figure: Okay, hide and I will hide and Seek will be it.
Seek: Why do I have to be it?
Figure: Because your name says so.
It wasn't Islam that radicalized the terrorists who did 9/11.
Jenga comes to mind, though!
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
What did the man say about someone who had a seizure?
"Jit was lagging."
What do you call a man who loves Adidas and Puma and drives a Volkswagen? Potential Nazi.
When I have a staring contest, I always win.
Every day, I see blind people who hate me.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
There’s only one answer to who would win, 1996 Bulls or 2017 Warriors...
...Steve Kerr’s team.
Who even needs white jokes?
