Whole

Whole jokes

Fat

    • You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!

    Joe mama

    • Teacher: “Alright, we’re going to play Kahoot! Please use your real name.”

    That one kid putting Joe: -_-

    Teacher: Who’s Joe?

    The whole class: JOE MAMA!

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    • Body

    • What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?

    Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

    Pedophile

    • A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

    "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

    The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

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    • Whole memes

    Period

    • Daughter: So, I got my period.

    Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

    Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

    Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

    Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

    Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

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    • Cow

    • My joke: You have to guess, answers come at 3:00. Why did the cow jump into space?

    Hint... it smelled its favorite food 🍱 and saw its future!

    That hint was technically the whole answer. Can you guess in 3 hours? Lol, I will be posting every time, and my giveaway starts at 5:00: my mega fly ride bat dragon 🐉 and five jungle eggs.

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    • Brownie

    • This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!

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    • Family

    • The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.

    Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."

    Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"

    Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."

    Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

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    • Ocean

    • I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.

    Turns out it was a Fanta sea.

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    • Cigarette

    • Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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    • Blackmail

    • At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

    Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

    Toaster

    • A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

    After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

    The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

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