When jokes
I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.
My friend Joe was a great hunter. He always shot like 3 deer every week.
He was even better at school when he bagged 30 of them.
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?
She died the next weekend.
What did Nicki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
"Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you."
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."