When jokes
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What did the man say when his girlfriend threw sodium and chloride at him?
That’s assault!
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
I heard my neighbors having sex, and it was annoying me, so I called my girlfriend to ask if she wanted to go out, but when I called her, I heard my neighbors' phone ringing.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
Your mum is so fat, when she sat in a monster truck, it turned into a lowrider.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
My friend says, "Time flies when having fun," so when he was gaming, I threw his clock to test that theory.
A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.
The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."
Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."
So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"
The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"
The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "I gagged."
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!