When jokes

You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.

Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.

He still is a kid.

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

Stephen Hawking is such a bad role model for our kids.

He only ever looks one way when crossing the street.

Linda and Peter are having sex. Peter goes in and out hard then fast and then begins to taste her tits. Finally, he moves down to the vagina and eats her hard. His rouge is inside her body, lolling around. He fucks her hard again and his dick slicks up her vagina. The entire time she is moaning and begging for more.

When Linda cums on his penis she begins to lick his balls hard. Peter begins moaning too saying, "Linda, you're just as amazing at fucking as your sister."

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: You can't find your dog.

When you breathe.

When you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?

Alien vs. Predator.

What does a cow say when he remembers something?

"I have deja moo!"

The only problem being short and gay is that whenever I try to tell people I'm top in my relationship, they don't believe me because I'm shorter than the person I'm dating, like, WTF?

I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because of my short hair. I mean, what did you expect? I'm gay, of course, I have short hair.

When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom, and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.

I hate it when people think I'm a boy because I have short hair. I mean, I'm gay, what do you expect?

What's the difference between a penis and a gun?

A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!