When jokes

What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.

What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.

When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

Ur momma's so fat that when she became a spy her codename was OObese.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.

Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”

What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?

Her miscarriage.

When a king farts, is it considered a noble gas?

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where is my tractor?"

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

Yo mama's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles at traffic, it slows down.

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.

Someone said to me when it was winter it[’]s time for you to “chill out.” I was like 👁👄👁

I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.

What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Geometry.

(Geometry= "Gee, I'm a tree!")

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

Yo mama so fat, when she walked in the room, we missed three seasons of our show!