When jokes
Your dad is so stupid that when he jumped the fence, the gate was open.
Rape is so outdated, but when you pay them money, it is a popular date!
What is the definition of clapped?
Ur mum when I am in her bed.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
What happens when a cow masturbates?
Beef jerky.
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
I got raped when I was 5 in my princess pajamas by my dad. Nobody laughed at these jokes; they just cried.
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
What do you do when an orphan is taking a photo?
Yell "FAMILY PICTURES!"
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey bud! When do you open?"
When the school shooter is about to leave the room, then the autistic kid says, "Goodbye!"
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.