Wheelchair Jokes

A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.

He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.

The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.

On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"

I got my sister a trampoline for her birthday, but she won’t get out of her wheelchair and use it.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"

Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.

Stephen Hawking shows up to a car meet-up.

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?

Fast food.

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

Today I was at PE, and I saw a kid in a wheelchair. I threw a basketball at him, and I yelled, "Rocket League!"

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song??

Rollin' and Controllin'.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.

Stephen Hawking walks into a b... nevermind.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

Stephen Hawking tried comedy.

His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."