Wheelchair jokes
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
Hi. My name's Stephen Hawking. What's your disability?
When a sign says "Do Not Walk on the Grass," it does not apply to Stephen Hawking.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
It's true, you know. Stephen Hawking has been up more ramps than Evel Knievel.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
At least Stephen Hawking could go on a pub crawl.
Which is the odd one out? FISH, SNAKE, STEPHEN HAWKING, HORSE.
Horse, of course — the rest can't walk.
Why was Stephen Hawking known as lazy?
Because he was always sitting on the job.
When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
He said, "Six foot four."
What did Stephen Hawking's mum say to him when he asked for £10?
"You can take a run and jump!"
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
What shoe size is Stephen Hawking?
It doesn't matter—he can't walk anyway.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
Because there was only a stairway to heaven and no lifts.
If half of Stephen Hawking's house was painted red and half was painted blue, what color were the stairs?
He didn't have any.
Stephen Hawking walked into a bar.
Oh, is that how he ended up in a wheelchair?