Whats jokes

What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

What do you call a swearing piece of shit?

Cus-turd.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.

What do you call a bitch?

You call it a female dog.

What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?

Obi-Wan Cannoli.

What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

100 dead babies in a trash can.

What is worse than that?

There's a live one at the bottom.

What is worse than that?

It eats its way out.

What is worse than that?

It comes back for seconds.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

What did Steven Hawking say?

Nothing.

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?

Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?

McBongald's.