Whats jokes

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.

What do you call an angry Texan?

A Confederate leader.

What's the difference between light and hard?

It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.

What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?

"Get off me homes."

What is a Mexican’s favorite band?

Twenty Juan Pilots.

What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?

A pair of Caesars.

Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

What objects have the most gravitational force?

A Lambo and a gold digger.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What do you call a midget with autism?

A weetard.

What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

Guess what song this is from:

"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

What’s one thing orphans don’t have on their computer? A home page.

What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

An iPhone has a button to go home.

Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

“What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?

Russian malls.