Whats jokes
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
What do you do to a pregnant lady on a step?
Push 'em.
Why can't orphans play poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is.
All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
What is an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
What's the difference between a nuclear reactor and your step sis? You need to use protection for the nuclear reactor.
What's the difference between a rubber and Michael Jackson? Nothing, kids touch them both.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
What is the similarity between orphans and apples?
They both get thrown out.
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is!
What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?
They all produce horrible shit.
Rachel won the lottery twice in two years. Her friend Jim called her every day asking for tips on winning, just the same. Then one day, simply to get rid of him, Rachel said, "Watch two martial arts movies, eat three pieces of hard beef jerky, and pick a fight at a bar."
Jim replied with a shocked look, "That's what I do after Mr. Tugman shakes my hand too long."
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
What do you call a Chinese car thief?
Tommy Tookamota.
What did the orphan say to his dad last?
Please get non-fat milk!
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.