A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
"Go fuck yourself... at the bottom of the sea."
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
What is the most played game in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"You have a great singer inside you."
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
What do you call a racist community? America.
What is Mexico's favorite sport? Cross country.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
