Whats jokes
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
What do you call a fake speedrunner?
Dream.
What do you call a Barbie doll that’s wearing scrubs?
A plastic surgeon. 😷
What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What do you call a pickle sandwich?
A Big Mac!
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?
"I don’t have a mama."
I was at school one day, and my teacher gave me homework. Once I got home, I did not do my homework, but I watched TV. After the movie, I finally went to go do my homework. I was almost done with my homework when I got to the last question. I didn't know the answer, so I asked the closest living being to me, which was my dog, and I asked him: what's two minus two? He said nothing.
What was Osama bin Laden's favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Q: What do Burger King and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They put meat on five-year-old buns.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
What do you call an idiot who needs to get a life?
The Stigg.
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
What did one orphan say to another orphan?
"Get in the batmobile, Robin!"
What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Me: I just came home from Africa, and guess what I saw.
Friend: I don't know.
Me: A black market.