Whats jokes
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
What jumps higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
What is an Iraqi kid's favorite game?
Minesweeper.
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
What goes up but doesn't come down?
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
The boomerang comes back.
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
What food has an orphan made?
Homemade food.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
What's a gun's favorite type of literature?
Magazine.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."
What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?
Smash.
(Get it?) 9/11.
What is illegal in Africa? Water guns.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.