Whats jokes
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Women.
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?
An ingestigation.
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?
The Devil's advocado.
What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?
A reptile dysfunction.