Whats jokes
What's small, stupid, and has no dad?
Ben.
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
What's Stephen Hawking's other favorite song?
Steve Winwood's "Just Roll with It Baby."
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
What was Stephen Hawking's last meal?
His left shoulder.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
What did the blind man fight in the bar?
The coat rack.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Bambi was calmly eating grass. All of a sudden, a red dot pointed near his heart caught his attention. He looked around anxiously, and he saw a man in camouflage. He whispered, "Time to join mother, Bambi!" Bambi knew what this meant. He ran. He heard a gunshot, followed by a wave of extreme pain. Bambi fell to the ground. He glanced at his leg, which was no longer attached to his body. The man in camouflage came up to him and stabbed him in the heart. Everything went black...
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.