Whats jokes
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?
Battery acid.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What did the teacher say to the student?
Orange you glad to see me?
What's a tree's least favorite TV show? Chopped!
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
What is Al-Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Disabled.
What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?
"Let us prey together."
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What does NASA mean? No Apes Submit Astronauts.
What did Sally get for Christmas? Ligma?
What is green, fuzzy, and will kill you if it falls from a tree? A pool table.
What was the Nazi racing tournament in 1943?
Gasar.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?