What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Whats Jokes
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk and you can drive.
What is a good night's sleep?
"Good night night love ❤️"
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
What is the difference between a human and a tree?
And walk, walk home, and...
What did the traffic light 🚦 say to the car 🚗? Don’t look, I’m about to change!
What school did we say it was today? What did the snow say? "I love!"
What is tyyyyyyyyu?
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
1. Your face is so ugly, I thought it was deformed. It probably was anyways.
2. Even if Donald Trump had time to build a wall, it was probably so you won't squish us with your fatass.
If someone says your face is deformed, just say that's what happens when I look at you.
Welcome.
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
What do you describe Titanic as?
... Broken...
What is a cannibal's favorite dessert?
Brownies.
What's an orphan's favorite movie?
"Home Alone."
What's the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg, but you can't beat a wank.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
