Weed jokes
I make weed disappear, what's your superpower?
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
After 9/11, the Twin Towers began to vape and smoke weed... 😔
My uncle hid my weed, so I hid his wheelchair.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought Instagram was a weed delivery service.
What do you call German weed?
Mustard Gas.
One day I went to smoke weed with some Mexicans, but they ran away when I asked if they had papers.
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
"A friend with weed is a friend indeed."
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?