War jokes

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

BaBOOM!

Iran: We can beat the USA.

Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.

Iran: So?

Japan: Twice!

Do you know why God created wars? To teach Americans geography.

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

What does a terrorist get for Christmas?

A C4.

Why is America better than Japan at rapping?

Because we're better at dropping bombs.

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven. Oh, wait... nevermind...

What do you call six gay people in a war? Rainbow Six Siege.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. The person got excited and asked if I can drive a truck.

What do you call a person who died in war?

Little Johnny.

Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...

*disconnected*

Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"

Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"

Officer: "Ok!"

*silence*

*explosion*

What did the fat man say as he entered Nagasaki?

Nothing, he just exploded.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why are Americans so bad at chess? Cause they lost 2 towers.