Vegetarian

Vegetarian Jokes

Door

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

Beef

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

Diet

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

Beef

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

Sex

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

Head

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

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  • Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs, and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: "Super cauliflower, eggs, but cheese was quite atrocious." (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

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  • Food

    Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.

    Vegetable

    The lettuce and tomato were in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

    People

    What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?

    Seasoned vegetables.

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  • Vegan

    The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

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  • Beef

    "-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"

    "- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"

    Gun

    What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?

    - A VEGUN.

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