Van jokes

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.

What do you call a cow in a moving van?

A: A mooving cow.

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite place in Fortnite? The reboot van.

"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."

Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!

What does Mickey's wife drive?

A Minnie-Van!

Roses are red.

I have free candy. Get in my van. I have free candy!

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

Why can't orphans be kidnapped?

Because most kidnappers use a family van.

Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!

Waarom staat de toren van Pisa scheef?

Hij had betere reflexen dan de Twin Towers.

Where's is the candy, sir???

Over there.

(kid steps in van)

I don't see any candy.

Yo mama so fat, when she got ran over, the van did a 360 flip to Mars!

"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?

White Vans.

What are an orphan's favorite shoes?

White Vans.

What shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.