Van Jokes


How many times can 46 go in to 8? Just hop in the van and find out


Roses are red I have free candy get in my van I have free candy


Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van! It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go but our mommies wouldn’t want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come. We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn’t eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! ¨Hey they want to party with us!¨Timmy yelled over the whooping. ¨Party van!¨I yelled. Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said ¨P O L I C E” on the side. We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn’t really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened.¨Isn’t that right mommy?¨


People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams.

In a white van.

Dale Weidert
in Ice Cream

An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, “What will it be today ma’am…we have every flavor you can imagine”. Old lady says, “Well, I guess I’d like a quart of chocolate ice cream”. The clerk says, “Sorry ma’am, we’re out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we’ll have”. "“Ok” she replies, “Why don’t you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream”. The clerk says just a little louder in case she’s hard of hearing, “Sorry ma’am, but we’re fresh out of chocolate ice cream”. The old lady says, “Oh, ok. Why don’t you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?”. Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, “Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?”. “Why of course young man” she says, “V-A-N”. “Right” the clerk says, “Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?”. “Well of course, Straw”, she replied. “Ok then” he says, “Now spell Fuck as in chocolate”. She says, “There’s no Fuck in chocolate”. He says, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you… THERE’S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!”.


Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.

Jinx yo
in British

Roses are red,my name is Dan…tdm,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!


ya tryna run? hop in the van

in Bullying

What’s the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

Your Average Joe
in Kidnapping

Hey guys,

I’m starting to think they don’t have any candy in this van…

thicki nicki 24
in Fat

yo mama so fat when she got ran over the van did a 360 flip to mars

in Priest

What are priests favourite shoe?

White Vans.

in Puns

What does Mickey’s wife drive?

A Minnie-Van!!


Muffin Man Muffin Man hes gonna rape uouin his van

in Beethoven

what is Beethoven’s favourite vehicle

a van


Why did the black guy cross the street to check king van


your mum

in Orphan

why did the kid go in the guys van

answer: he thought he was being adopted


This isnt a joke but … GET IN THE VAN JANICE

in Priest

What are Priests favourite shoe?

White vans.