Vanity jokes

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

Yo mama is so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.

Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.

When you look in the mirror, the mirror cracks.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

If you want a joke, look at yourself in the mirror!

Want another joke? Look in the mirror.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd get in the van if I were you...

What’s a pedophile’s favorite shoe? White vans.

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?

All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.

Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."