Vampires jokes

Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.

What do you call vampire Matt Damon?

Bat Damon!

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

What's common in vampires and American kids?

They both don't get old.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.

What is a vampire's favorite animal? A giraffe.

What is a vampire's favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Those two jokes are not funny at all!

Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?

He thought his son sucked!

What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?

Love at first byte! <3

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Why are vampires always sick?

Because they are coffin.

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

What is the favorite drink of a vampire?

bloody mary.

The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)

Why do vampires drink blood?

Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.

I aced my poker test...

My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...

A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...

Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...

Why did the vampire go to the doctor?

Because of his coffin.

Why do Vampires like virgins?

Because eating a sandwich would be so much more appealing knowing no one fucked it.

Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.