Value jokes
Why is England's team unfair in chess?
Because 2 rooks = 10 and a queen = 9.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.
I want your weight, not your phone number.
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?
Because it's all about family!
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Emo girls be like, "How much am I worth?"
Girl, scan the code on your wrist.