Treat me like a joke, and I will leave you like it's funny.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid.
Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don’t you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel’s bigger?”
Johnny grins and says, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop doing it, and so far I’ve made $20!”
She's a 10, but she doesn't like sex.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
So you're saying a penny is worth more than a penny?
That don't make no cents.
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."
Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.
You're cheap; no one even pays attention.
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.
Emo girls be like: How much am I worth...
Girl, scan the code on your wrist!
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
These jokes are so dark that their life matters.
They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That’s why orphanages exist!
