US jokes

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?

So she can moan with her right hand.

Why can't an orphan use an Apple iPad?

Because it can't find the home button...

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.

Why do Jedis stay single?

Because they use "divorce" (the Force).

May divorce be with you!

How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words.

I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.

What happens when skeletons score points in a game?

They get a bone-us.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

"Among Us."

Like Markgeraldnasol and his Pokemon Jokes.

What do you call a killer that uses psycho powers?

Mr. Mime!

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

What do you say when the toilet is clogged?

Oh shit!

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

I told a kid in a wheelchair that he should use his rocket league booster.

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."