US jokes

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

What happens when skeletons score points in a game?

They get a bone-us.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

What do you say when the toilet is clogged?

Oh shit!

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.

You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!