US jokes

What do emos use as birth control?

Their personalities!

Why does Helen Keller use her left hand to play with herself?

So she can moan with her right hand.

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

Why can't an orphan use an Apple iPad?

Because it can't find the home button...

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

What happens when skeletons score points in a game?

They get a bone-us.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

What do you say when the toilet is clogged?

Oh shit!

Love is the best picture you can use to be able for her and I was able for her in the best place for her and I have to be honest and a great team of the team and the way it goes is the first 4th year of my life in my life as a new 💕.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

I used to hate facial hair,

but then it grew on me.

Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

My girlfriend used to give the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?