US jokes
Your forehead is so big that the teachers used it as a whiteboard.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
Because they can't press the home button.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
Memes
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
What has to be broken before you can use it?
Answer: An egg.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Your hairline's so far back, I use it as a ruler to measure things.
"Among Us" in space spells "sugoma."
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
What is more used than plastic?
Hookers.
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
"Among Us" is basically a game about betrayal.
When a deaf person has sex, do they use one hand to moan?
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.