US jokes
Why are bees' hair sticky?
Because they use honeycombs!
"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
What has to be broken before you can use it?
Answer: An egg.
Memes
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
Why can't orphans use iPhones?
Because they can't press the home button.
Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Draw an accurate diagram representing the elephant genitalia. Use all 30 sheets of paper provided.
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach the potato chips!
What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?
Hard shoulder.
Hey Gwen come on let's chat! We can forget about that dumb bitch "prince" and focus on us!
What happened when the fire used Tinder?
He luckily got a lot of matches.
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
What do birds use to check their grades?
Air-ies...
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!
The teacher made us present a slideshow to introduce ourselves.
Mine is bright and colorful with music. It was so good that a kid started dancing!